Oh, to be Free! Oh, to be open and willing and vulnerable. How deeply we want to know and be known. How deeply we want community.
…and yet…
It is so many things we fear. It is vulnerability, it feels unsafe, it has hurt us in the past. So we avoid it. Or we give just enough to satisfy some shallow piece of our heart and then put dams in place around the rest of our deep parts so as to somehow guard our souls from the seeming onslaught of pain and devastation.
But is it working? I ask this in seriousness. Are you no longer hurting? Or is there a silent pain of loneliness still abiding on the inside – which you also hide because no one needs to see that part either. So maybe–hear me out on this–maybe we are going to be hurt whether we guard ourselves or not. “If I guard myself well enough, I can protect myself from the pain that will come if I’m too open,” is our thought. But then we damage our own hearts by isolating them and we feel the pain of loneliness.
I know. Me too. “It hurts.” “I’m not going put myself out there just to be hurt again.” “What if….” These are our fears and concerns speaking up – and rightly so, because we’ve all been there. Open, free, in relationship – then hurt again. So, we make vows that damage us in a different way, but damage us nonetheless.
What then? What is the answer for us? How do we avoid pain? Frankly, in all my years of life I have learned this: We Don’t.
Pain in community and relationships WILL happen. It does happen. No matter what you do. I hear you now commenting in your head, “Well great. That’s not good news! So, what am I supposed to do with that?!?” I’m glad you asked. smile.
Do we or do we not believe the words of our Loving Father? Can I trust him? Can I trust His story for me? I know, what a cliché! What a beautiful, stupid Christian answer! Again – yeah! Me too!!! I feel annoyed also. BUT. (And what I’m about to tell you I am in the middle of doing, feeling, getting thru…)
I know that I can, and I will trust my Father. He heals my heart over and over again. He restores my soul. He leads me (Psalm 23:2-3). He has proven that He can, and He will again. Listen – we do not get through life or this world without pain in relationships. Everyone has them, everyone experiences it. So, I say this with all the love and kindness and gentleness that I can…
Sweetheart (I’m talking to myself here too, remember), get over it by trusting Father and His promises. You are going to have pain in this fallen world. Choose to yield to Father who ALWAYS and OVER AND OVER AGAIN restores your soul. Be brave. Be restored. Try again. Try community and relationship and vulnerability again. Yes, again.
I wish I had the space and time to give you more specifics. But for now, let me just encourage you to be brave and lean into the very real heart of God to help you surrender to a little bit of community and to heal you when it’s needed.
All my love, Saundra
*This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on community. Part 1 is titled: Why You Need Other People. Part 2: 5 Ways to Commune.
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